I was at the metro station and taking the lift. There was a mirror in it. As soon as the door closed, I started checking my hair and makeup in the mirror. Without warning the door opened and a middle-aged man entered the lift. I felt embarrassed and gave him a self-conscious smile. He smiled back genially. After a couple of seconds, he said "You looks very beautiful!" Aww... Thank you, stranger, for making my day :)
Sunday, January 26, 2020
Saturday, January 25, 2020
Always your home
Hi Maa, today we complete one year of moving into our own house. Can you believe it? For ages, we dreamt of setting up our own place, a major part of the 'we' being you. Your vision fueled our drive. I hope the house is very close to how you wanted it to be.
We had a small Gana Homa at home. I have been missing you even more throughout the week. You would have prepared so much for the Puja. Not necessarily excited, more anxious I think :) You would have washed all the silver utensils and puja items. Fussed about the number of people being invited, cleaning the house top to bottom. Selecting what jewelry to wear for the occasion would have been a ritual in itself.
When we were getting things ready for the Puja, I was so proud of your collection. You had every item ready right from the 'deepa's to the 'mane's. When the priest asked for bigger vessels for the prasada, I could easily reach into the shelf and give him exactly what he needed. Papa was as restless as ever, moving around and saying a hundred things at a time. I wish you were there to calm him down. When the priest asked for our raashi and nakshatra, I looked for you, our database.
I miss you every day. I want to come home to you, lay my head in your lap. I want to see you sitting at your favorite place on the floor, eating food or drinking tea, despite us repeatedly asking you to sit on the chair. I long for your signature chicken curry and also the regular comfort food you make. I want to call you mumma-dumma, ambade, amtekai and many other names I reserved only for you. Every other day, I absentmindedly think of ordering your medicine and giving you insulin. I want to take you on walks, buy you your favorite food, take you shopping, play your favorite songs.
Nobody is immortal. But you still had so much life in you, Maa. You were yet to experience so many joys. I hope you have moved on to a much better life. And yet, I wish I could wish you back in my life.
We had a small Gana Homa at home. I have been missing you even more throughout the week. You would have prepared so much for the Puja. Not necessarily excited, more anxious I think :) You would have washed all the silver utensils and puja items. Fussed about the number of people being invited, cleaning the house top to bottom. Selecting what jewelry to wear for the occasion would have been a ritual in itself.
When we were getting things ready for the Puja, I was so proud of your collection. You had every item ready right from the 'deepa's to the 'mane's. When the priest asked for bigger vessels for the prasada, I could easily reach into the shelf and give him exactly what he needed. Papa was as restless as ever, moving around and saying a hundred things at a time. I wish you were there to calm him down. When the priest asked for our raashi and nakshatra, I looked for you, our database.
I miss you every day. I want to come home to you, lay my head in your lap. I want to see you sitting at your favorite place on the floor, eating food or drinking tea, despite us repeatedly asking you to sit on the chair. I long for your signature chicken curry and also the regular comfort food you make. I want to call you mumma-dumma, ambade, amtekai and many other names I reserved only for you. Every other day, I absentmindedly think of ordering your medicine and giving you insulin. I want to take you on walks, buy you your favorite food, take you shopping, play your favorite songs.
Nobody is immortal. But you still had so much life in you, Maa. You were yet to experience so many joys. I hope you have moved on to a much better life. And yet, I wish I could wish you back in my life.
Wednesday, January 1, 2020
2020 - A new decade
We are at the end of one more year. I have seen a lot of highs and lows in the past twelve months, much like the entire decade. However, life is all about looking forward and filling it with memories and experiences. There is something about the new year which makes me feel fresh and renews my enthusiasm for life.
This year I will not be listing my goals here. I am going to try the old fashioned way of journaling. I also intend to blog more about other things. Last year was so hectic that I did not have time even to jot down my experiences. I will be backlogging some of them to enjoy reliving them in the future.
This year I will not be listing my goals here. I am going to try the old fashioned way of journaling. I also intend to blog more about other things. Last year was so hectic that I did not have time even to jot down my experiences. I will be backlogging some of them to enjoy reliving them in the future.
Always remember, every day is a new start, a chance to live life to the fullest. Do not despair. Hope is what feeds the soul. Sometimes, the weight you need to lose isn't on your body.
Happy new year!
Friday, November 22, 2019
Miss you Maa
I lost my mother on October 22nd. Although she was in poor health, we never expected her to leave us so early. Sometimes I think it is for the better. She suffered from an unknown illness which caused her great discomfort but was intangible to the rest of us. I sincerely hope she is in a better place leading a much better life.
I have always known my mother as a strong, resilient woman. Her energy was dammed by societal expectations. She was a bright student and had a quiet confidence. I am surprised at how well she could speak English and Hindi despite not having too much conversational experience in them. Given a chance, I am sure she would have balanced work and home really well. I have inherited her grasping power. She could remember a whole lot of data such as names of friends and relatives, birth dates, phone numbers which made us too lazy to use whatever memory cells we had. The three of us in the family took the "Mom knows everything" phrase too seriously. Especially my dad who could never find his stuff unless mom looked for it.
My mom's life revolved around her husband, home and kids (and in that order if I am being cheeky). She revered my dad and whatever he said was the final word. However, during a game, we found out that my dad is the first one to say sorry after a fight. So, that makes it even I guess. They fought like kids but shared an incredible bond. Mom was very proud of me and my sister. She did her very best to raise us well and educate us. Vidya and Vinaya were equally important to her. Even as kids, she designed games to intellectually stimulate us. She would buy us storybooks and encourage us to solve puzzles. She believed in dressing up well and keeping everything neat and tidy. Sometimes, her need for cleanliness would border into obsession.
My mom had a great smile. It would warm anybody's heart. A few minutes into the conversation was enough to know that she was a sweet-natured lady. She had the ability to chat for hours even with strangers. In an Indian society, it's an accomplishment in itself to get along so well with four sisters in law and two co-sisters. Although I would like to add that credit goes to my wonderful extended family too. Mom was a district-level throwball player. I did not know that fact for a very long time. When she visited our primary school, people would mistake her for a teacher. I guess it's something to do with the elegance with which she carried herself.
Mom was a strong-willed lady. More often than not, she got what she wanted. She would save up the whole year to buy something nice for the house during Diwali. I still remember how, during tough times, our old house wouldn't get sold until my mom changed her mind. We bought our new house just to fulfil her dream. I am shattered that she passed away without living in this house even for a year. I had so many dreams for my parents. I wanted them to experience the joys they had to pass up on just because they had to take care of two girls. My sister and I tried our best to give them every happiness they deserve. I tried really hard to get them into a health care routine, I didn't think twice to buy them what they wanted. Despite people advising me against it, I indulged their whims and fancies. I want to do so much more!
Mom and I have our shortcomings. I have had quite a few showdowns with her. But the void that her absence created in my heart will never be filled. I look at the pigeons on our balcony and remember her fondly gazing at them. Her only company in the new place. She would sit near the window and observe life around her. When I worked from home, she would describe them to me. Sometimes, she would tell us how much she enjoyed the Singapore trip or the joy the new house is bringing to her. I look at her bed, her favourite foods, her eternal love for news channels and I wish to pull her from my memory and have her sit next to me. I want to tell her how much I love her and what she means to me. I hope I never forget what my mother was before the illness reduced her to the shadow of the person she was.
I have always known my mother as a strong, resilient woman. Her energy was dammed by societal expectations. She was a bright student and had a quiet confidence. I am surprised at how well she could speak English and Hindi despite not having too much conversational experience in them. Given a chance, I am sure she would have balanced work and home really well. I have inherited her grasping power. She could remember a whole lot of data such as names of friends and relatives, birth dates, phone numbers which made us too lazy to use whatever memory cells we had. The three of us in the family took the "Mom knows everything" phrase too seriously. Especially my dad who could never find his stuff unless mom looked for it.
My mom's life revolved around her husband, home and kids (and in that order if I am being cheeky). She revered my dad and whatever he said was the final word. However, during a game, we found out that my dad is the first one to say sorry after a fight. So, that makes it even I guess. They fought like kids but shared an incredible bond. Mom was very proud of me and my sister. She did her very best to raise us well and educate us. Vidya and Vinaya were equally important to her. Even as kids, she designed games to intellectually stimulate us. She would buy us storybooks and encourage us to solve puzzles. She believed in dressing up well and keeping everything neat and tidy. Sometimes, her need for cleanliness would border into obsession.
My mom had a great smile. It would warm anybody's heart. A few minutes into the conversation was enough to know that she was a sweet-natured lady. She had the ability to chat for hours even with strangers. In an Indian society, it's an accomplishment in itself to get along so well with four sisters in law and two co-sisters. Although I would like to add that credit goes to my wonderful extended family too. Mom was a district-level throwball player. I did not know that fact for a very long time. When she visited our primary school, people would mistake her for a teacher. I guess it's something to do with the elegance with which she carried herself.
Mom was a strong-willed lady. More often than not, she got what she wanted. She would save up the whole year to buy something nice for the house during Diwali. I still remember how, during tough times, our old house wouldn't get sold until my mom changed her mind. We bought our new house just to fulfil her dream. I am shattered that she passed away without living in this house even for a year. I had so many dreams for my parents. I wanted them to experience the joys they had to pass up on just because they had to take care of two girls. My sister and I tried our best to give them every happiness they deserve. I tried really hard to get them into a health care routine, I didn't think twice to buy them what they wanted. Despite people advising me against it, I indulged their whims and fancies. I want to do so much more!
Mom and I have our shortcomings. I have had quite a few showdowns with her. But the void that her absence created in my heart will never be filled. I look at the pigeons on our balcony and remember her fondly gazing at them. Her only company in the new place. She would sit near the window and observe life around her. When I worked from home, she would describe them to me. Sometimes, she would tell us how much she enjoyed the Singapore trip or the joy the new house is bringing to her. I look at her bed, her favourite foods, her eternal love for news channels and I wish to pull her from my memory and have her sit next to me. I want to tell her how much I love her and what she means to me. I hope I never forget what my mother was before the illness reduced her to the shadow of the person she was.
Saturday, January 19, 2019
Reading Challenge 2019
This year is mostly about pushing boundaries. I have always been more productive when I have a list in hand. So, I will be taking up a variety of challenges just to keep myself motivated. The first one is a reading challenge. I usually manage to read at least 30 books a year. This year I have set a goal of 35. I found the Pop Sugar reading challenge which covers a variety of genres. Going to give it a try! Here's my list in case you want to do this too :)
| ✔ | Challenge Prompt | Book Title | Author | Genre |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| A book becoming a movie in 2019 | The Nightingale | Kristin Hannah | Historical Fiction | |
| ✓ | A book that makes you nostalgic | Swami And Friends | R.K.Narayan | Kids |
| A book written by a musician (fiction or nonfiction) | Moonwalk | Michael Jackson | Memoir | |
| ✓ | A book you think should be turned into a movie | On The Come Up | Angie Thomas | Young Adult |
| A book with at least one million ratings on Goodreads | The Great Gatsby | F. Scott Fitzgerald | Classics | |
| ✓ | A book with a plant in the title or on the cover | All the Names They Used for God | Anjali Sachdeva | Fiction |
| A reread of a favorite book | I've Got Your Number | Sophie Kinsella | Chick-lit | |
| ✓ | A book about a hobby | The Book Ninja | Ali Berg, Michelle Kalus | Contemporary |
| ✓ | A book you meant to read in 2018 | Educated | Tara Westover | Memoir |
| ✓ | A book with Pop / Sugar / Challenge in the title | In Watermelon Sugar | Richard Brautigan | Fantasy |
| ✓ | A book with an item of clothing or accessory on the cover | Poirot Investigates | Agatha Christie | Mystery |
| A book inspired by Myth / Legend / Folklore | The Song of Achilles | Madeline Miller | Mythology | |
| A book published posthumously | The Trial | Franz Kafka | Classics | |
| ✓ | A book you see someone reading on TV or in a movie | Love Story | Eric Segal | Romance |
| A retelling of a classic | Great | Sara Benincasa | Retelling | |
| A book with a question in the title | What If? | Randall Munroe | Science/Humor | |
| ✓ | A book set on college or university campus | Fangirl | Rainbow Rowell | Young Adult |
| A book about someone with a superpower | Akata Witch | Nnedi Okorafor | Fantasy |
|
| ✓ | A book told from multiple POVs | What If It's Us? | Becky and Adam | LGBT |
| A book set in space | The Loneliest Girl in the Universe | Lauren James | Sci-Fi |
|
| ✓ | A book by two female authors | The Lottie Project | Jacqueline Wilson, Vicky Ireland | Kids |
| A book with Salt / Sweet / Bitter / Spicy in the title | Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet | Jamie Ford | Fiction |
|
| A book set in Scandinavia | A Man Called Ove | Fredrik Backman | Fiction |
|
| A book that takes place in a single day | A Midsummer Night's Dream | William Shakespeare | Classics |
|
| A debut novel | The Secret History | Donna Tartt | Mystery |
|
| ✓ | A book that's published in 2019 | I Owe You One | Sophie Kinsella | Chick-lit |
| ✓ | A book featuring an extinct or imaginary creature | A book about a mythical creature | Katie O'Neill | Graphic Novel |
| A book recommended by a celebrity you admire | ||||
| A book with love in the title | Love & Gelato | Jenna Evans Welch | Romance |
|
| ✓ | A book featuring an amateur detective | 4:50 from Paddington | Agatha Christie | Mystery |
| A book about a family | The Recipe Box | Viola Shipman | Fiction |
|
| ✓ | A book author from Asia, Africa, or South America | Best of Laxman Vol. 4 | R.K.Laxman | Cartoons |
| A book with a zodiac sign or astrology term in title | The Star-Touched Queen | Roshani Chokshi | Fantasy |
|
| ✓ | A book that includes a wedding | The Bride Test | Helen Hoang | Contemporary |
| ✓ | A book by an author whose first and last names start with the same letter | The Little Book of Positivity | Lucy Lane | Self-help |
| ✓ | A ghost story | We Have Always Lived in the Castle | Shirley Jackson | Horror |
| A book with a two-word title | Mary Poppins | P.L. Travers | Kids |
|
| ✓ | A novel based on a true story | The Perfect Nanny | Leila Slimani | Thriller |
| ✓ | A book revolving around a puzzle or game | The Westing Game | Ellen Raskin | Kids |
| Your favorite prompt from a past Popsugar Reading challenge | |
Tuesday, January 1, 2019
2019 for Love and Laughter
Happy new year!!
We are beginning a new year and what better chance to reinvent ourselves? Over time, making these new year resolutions have become a part of me. They are like markers for my journey through the months, nudging me in the right direction whenever I feel lost. I have picked up new stuff, focused on my positives and learned to let go when I should. That's the power of words.
So, let's do the ritual one more time!
Highlights of the previous year.
1. We bought a new car. It was so out of the blue, almost an impulsive buy.
2. Singapore vacation. Finally, the five of us went on a holiday abroad. We had so much fun!
3. I got promoted!! I find it hard to believe that I have been working for 8 years now. I can't fool around anymore. I am a senior. No longer the spoilt brat of the team (actually, that part doesn't change :P)
4. Now, the big one. We bought our own house!! I thought this will never happen.
I have so much to be grateful for. I have done well financially. My family and friends have been a pillar of strength during all my tough times. I hope I never let them down. Here's what I have planned for the days ahead.
* Be more active socially
I find life so much better when I am on my own. But socializing is important too. It gets the mind out of the rut.
* Read more, craft more
This is a forever goal. I plan to create a reading and crafting challenge to keep myself motivated.
* Set up my room
I get butterflies whenever I think of this! It's going to be so exciting :D
* Shopping!!
I think I have scrimped and saved enough. This year I will value quality over price. Also, I am dying to own something from a luxury brand.
* Perfect the smokey eye look!
I can do my make up fairly well. Getting the smokey eyes right is a bit of a challenge. This should be fun :)
* Stop hoarding
Seriously!! Repeat it a million times.
* Fight negativity
Easier said than done. Often, we ourselves hold on to the hurt. If something is affecting your peace of mind, get rid of it. Few minutes of courage and days of perseverance is what it takes.
* Which country will it be this year?
How can the year be complete without a vacation abroad? :P
I have spent three decades putting the important people in my life above me. My nature is such that even love feels like a debt. I am at a point where I don't feel like that anymore. I have done as much as I can without holding back. I don't have to worry about my dear ones anymore. I will always be concerned about their well being but I am no longer responsible for their happiness.
A year of no regrets is what I look forward to the most.
We are beginning a new year and what better chance to reinvent ourselves? Over time, making these new year resolutions have become a part of me. They are like markers for my journey through the months, nudging me in the right direction whenever I feel lost. I have picked up new stuff, focused on my positives and learned to let go when I should. That's the power of words.
So, let's do the ritual one more time!
Highlights of the previous year.
1. We bought a new car. It was so out of the blue, almost an impulsive buy.
2. Singapore vacation. Finally, the five of us went on a holiday abroad. We had so much fun!
3. I got promoted!! I find it hard to believe that I have been working for 8 years now. I can't fool around anymore. I am a senior. No longer the spoilt brat of the team (actually, that part doesn't change :P)
4. Now, the big one. We bought our own house!! I thought this will never happen.
I have so much to be grateful for. I have done well financially. My family and friends have been a pillar of strength during all my tough times. I hope I never let them down. Here's what I have planned for the days ahead.
* Be more active socially
I find life so much better when I am on my own. But socializing is important too. It gets the mind out of the rut.
* Read more, craft more
This is a forever goal. I plan to create a reading and crafting challenge to keep myself motivated.
* Set up my room
I get butterflies whenever I think of this! It's going to be so exciting :D
* Shopping!!
I think I have scrimped and saved enough. This year I will value quality over price. Also, I am dying to own something from a luxury brand.
* Perfect the smokey eye look!
I can do my make up fairly well. Getting the smokey eyes right is a bit of a challenge. This should be fun :)
* Stop hoarding
Seriously!! Repeat it a million times.
* Fight negativity
Easier said than done. Often, we ourselves hold on to the hurt. If something is affecting your peace of mind, get rid of it. Few minutes of courage and days of perseverance is what it takes.
* Which country will it be this year?
How can the year be complete without a vacation abroad? :P
I have spent three decades putting the important people in my life above me. My nature is such that even love feels like a debt. I am at a point where I don't feel like that anymore. I have done as much as I can without holding back. I don't have to worry about my dear ones anymore. I will always be concerned about their well being but I am no longer responsible for their happiness.
A year of no regrets is what I look forward to the most.
Saturday, December 22, 2018
M-J time
Christmas is almost here. What better way to celebrate it than visiting friends? So, I went to M's place this week. Even though it's just the second time I am going to her home, I feel very comfortable there. She has set up her home beautifully! Everywhere I see, I can spot something cute or quirky. We were so excited about spending time together that we forgot half the things we thought we'll do :P
But the best part was in the evening. We went to her mom's place to pick up her daughter J. If you have never been treated like a celebrity, you should envy me! As soon as I stepped in, the whole family surrounded me. There were smiles and hugs and excited chatter! It feels so good to actually meet the people you have always been hearing about. I had a huge grin stuck on my face. M's parents have been living in that house for more than 15 years!! Veterans :D Their home is like a museum and I could explore it the whole day!
When we came back to M's place, J promptly took me to her room. And very kindly told her mom "Amma, you can go if you want"! ROFL!! We played few games and of course, Amma couldn't stay out. This is how the conversation went.
J: Amma, will you play with us?
M: Do you want Amma to play?
J: No
It was hilarious!! I wish I had taken pictures. Why do I always forget it :(
Growing up I did not like kids so much. Maybe because they took away the attention from me :P But when kids are at a tender age, probably below five or six, their innocence just wins me over. J would look at me with wide eyes even when I was on the phone. I have never felt so much love from a kid before <3 One day, she will grow up to be a smart, young lady, all too soon. I sincerely hope she remains the sweet little child at heart.
But the best part was in the evening. We went to her mom's place to pick up her daughter J. If you have never been treated like a celebrity, you should envy me! As soon as I stepped in, the whole family surrounded me. There were smiles and hugs and excited chatter! It feels so good to actually meet the people you have always been hearing about. I had a huge grin stuck on my face. M's parents have been living in that house for more than 15 years!! Veterans :D Their home is like a museum and I could explore it the whole day!
When we came back to M's place, J promptly took me to her room. And very kindly told her mom "Amma, you can go if you want"! ROFL!! We played few games and of course, Amma couldn't stay out. This is how the conversation went.
J: Amma, will you play with us?
M: Do you want Amma to play?
J: No
It was hilarious!! I wish I had taken pictures. Why do I always forget it :(
Growing up I did not like kids so much. Maybe because they took away the attention from me :P But when kids are at a tender age, probably below five or six, their innocence just wins me over. J would look at me with wide eyes even when I was on the phone. I have never felt so much love from a kid before <3 One day, she will grow up to be a smart, young lady, all too soon. I sincerely hope she remains the sweet little child at heart.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)