New Year = Still the same me, but better

The New Year has already begun and I am in mid-transition. It's a long weekend and I am alone at home. This gives me a lot of freedom. I can do anything and maybe that's why am doing nothing 😮

We are in the middle of a pandemic. The unexpected COVID-19 attack put the whole world into a frenzy. Some countries handled it well especially the smaller ones. India is on the path to recovery. The vaccine is a ray of hope. A lot of people were severely affected by the restricted lifestyle. I did not believe I would be one of them. However, today I have come to accept it.

For a long, long time I knew that I was emotionally vulnerable. I was not coping well with all the mental stress. I tried to put up a brave face and believed that I was strong enough to overcome it. I was even quite proud of the fact that I had not broken down completely. But that's the thing about health. It's never straight forward. You focus on one thing and you are hit elsewhere! My coping mechanism was to take out all the negativity from my system and dump it elsewhere. This can be so toxic, especially for the people around me.

I am a perfectionist and I have forever longed to live a good life. I have an image of a happy future and I have been trying to manifest it for years together now. Just when I settle down and get used to a routine, the universe shakes up everything again. The frustration of it has affected my core. I find something to complain about anything and everything. I try to make positive changes but get pulled back into the same black hole. I assumed that 2021 will make me a better person. The truth is that we have to work hard at being a better person every day. And this change has to be holistic, all-inclusive. I cannot pick and choose to be kind and empathetic.

This year, I hope to keep myself busy doing things I love. Mistakes happen. Accept it and move forward. Live and let live. Find/create my own happiness. Be grateful for what I have 💖