It’s one of those days again. Days that are too heavy to bear. The load of it keeps me rooted to the ground, while life rushes like time lapse photography. Everything is flying past me in a blur and I am not able to hold on. I don’t feel the urge to. I wish to be ignored, like a useless piece of furniture. Excluded from the mundane discussions of everyday life.
There was a time when just clearing my desk uncluttered my mind. But today, even the utmost focus is not helping me discern the numerous thoughts in my head. My brain has become a labyrinth of chambers and I don’t know what is stored where. I wish I could turn it upside down like a school bag. Toss out the rubbish and stash the keepsakes. Make space for new thoughts. And go about with the proud feeling of someone who has everything sorted out.
But here I am. Unable to describe my situation. A stranger among my own. Every happy thought seeming like a faraway memory. Despair thick in the air. I seem to be treading on soft ground. Utterly lost, unsure of when the land might give away. Half wishing it would so that I don’t have to worry about a destination. I had a dream, built on confidence and hope. The vision is hazy now. My patience wears thin and I am consumed by self-doubt. My decisions mock me. Pestering me to retrace my steps.
If only there was a way to turn back time. But would it change anything? If I could gaze into a crystal ball and see my future back then, would I have made different choices? May be. May be not. I am not completely sure. I do not regret my life. I have not wandered into a path of no return. The thought itself is so comforting. I know I can still make it work. I just have to dig deep and find myself. After all, life is a journey of discovering oneself.
There was a time when just clearing my desk uncluttered my mind. But today, even the utmost focus is not helping me discern the numerous thoughts in my head. My brain has become a labyrinth of chambers and I don’t know what is stored where. I wish I could turn it upside down like a school bag. Toss out the rubbish and stash the keepsakes. Make space for new thoughts. And go about with the proud feeling of someone who has everything sorted out.
But here I am. Unable to describe my situation. A stranger among my own. Every happy thought seeming like a faraway memory. Despair thick in the air. I seem to be treading on soft ground. Utterly lost, unsure of when the land might give away. Half wishing it would so that I don’t have to worry about a destination. I had a dream, built on confidence and hope. The vision is hazy now. My patience wears thin and I am consumed by self-doubt. My decisions mock me. Pestering me to retrace my steps.
If only there was a way to turn back time. But would it change anything? If I could gaze into a crystal ball and see my future back then, would I have made different choices? May be. May be not. I am not completely sure. I do not regret my life. I have not wandered into a path of no return. The thought itself is so comforting. I know I can still make it work. I just have to dig deep and find myself. After all, life is a journey of discovering oneself.
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