I lost my mother on October 22nd. Although she was in poor health, we never expected her to leave us so early. Sometimes I think it is for the better. She suffered from an unknown illness which caused her great discomfort but was intangible to the rest of us. I sincerely hope she is in a better place leading a much better life.
I have always known my mother as a strong, resilient woman. Her energy was dammed by societal expectations. She was a bright student and had a quiet confidence. I am surprised at how well she could speak English and Hindi despite not having too much conversational experience in them. Given a chance, I am sure she would have balanced work and home really well. I have inherited her grasping power. She could remember a whole lot of data such as names of friends and relatives, birth dates, phone numbers which made us too lazy to use whatever memory cells we had. The three of us in the family took the "Mom knows everything" phrase too seriously. Especially my dad who could never find his stuff unless mom looked for it.
My mom's life revolved around her husband, home and kids (and in that order if I am being cheeky). She revered my dad and whatever he said was the final word. However, during a game, we found out that my dad is the first one to say sorry after a fight. So, that makes it even I guess. They fought like kids but shared an incredible bond. Mom was very proud of me and my sister. She did her very best to raise us well and educate us. Vidya and Vinaya were equally important to her. Even as kids, she designed games to intellectually stimulate us. She would buy us storybooks and encourage us to solve puzzles. She believed in dressing up well and keeping everything neat and tidy. Sometimes, her need for cleanliness would border into obsession.
My mom had a great smile. It would warm anybody's heart. A few minutes into the conversation was enough to know that she was a sweet-natured lady. She had the ability to chat for hours even with strangers. In an Indian society, it's an accomplishment in itself to get along so well with four sisters in law and two co-sisters. Although I would like to add that credit goes to my wonderful extended family too. Mom was a district-level throwball player. I did not know that fact for a very long time. When she visited our primary school, people would mistake her for a teacher. I guess it's something to do with the elegance with which she carried herself.
Mom was a strong-willed lady. More often than not, she got what she wanted. She would save up the whole year to buy something nice for the house during Diwali. I still remember how, during tough times, our old house wouldn't get sold until my mom changed her mind. We bought our new house just to fulfil her dream. I am shattered that she passed away without living in this house even for a year. I had so many dreams for my parents. I wanted them to experience the joys they had to pass up on just because they had to take care of two girls. My sister and I tried our best to give them every happiness they deserve. I tried really hard to get them into a health care routine, I didn't think twice to buy them what they wanted. Despite people advising me against it, I indulged their whims and fancies. I want to do so much more!
Mom and I have our shortcomings. I have had quite a few showdowns with her. But the void that her absence created in my heart will never be filled. I look at the pigeons on our balcony and remember her fondly gazing at them. Her only company in the new place. She would sit near the window and observe life around her. When I worked from home, she would describe them to me. Sometimes, she would tell us how much she enjoyed the Singapore trip or the joy the new house is bringing to her. I look at her bed, her favourite foods, her eternal love for news channels and I wish to pull her from my memory and have her sit next to me. I want to tell her how much I love her and what she means to me. I hope I never forget what my mother was before the illness reduced her to the shadow of the person she was.
