Miss you Maa

I lost my mother on October 22nd. Although she was in poor health, we never expected her to leave us so early. Sometimes I think it is for the better. She suffered from an unknown illness which caused her great discomfort but was intangible to the rest of us. I sincerely hope she is in a better place leading a much better life.

I have always known my mother as a strong, resilient woman. Her energy was dammed by societal expectations. She was a bright student and had a quiet confidence. I am surprised at how well she could speak English and Hindi despite not having too much conversational experience in them. Given a chance, I am sure she would have balanced work and home really well. I have inherited her grasping power. She could remember a whole lot of data such as names of friends and relatives, birth dates, phone numbers which made us too lazy to use whatever memory cells we had. The three of us in the family took the "Mom knows everything" phrase too seriously. Especially my dad who could never find his stuff unless mom looked for it.

My mom's life revolved around her husband, home and kids (and in that order if I am being cheeky). She revered my dad and whatever he said was the final word. However, during a game, we found out that my dad is the first one to say sorry after a fight. So, that makes it even I guess. They fought like kids but shared an incredible bond. Mom was very proud of me and my sister. She did her very best to raise us well and educate us. Vidya and Vinaya were equally important to her. Even as kids, she designed games to intellectually stimulate us. She would buy us storybooks and encourage us to solve puzzles. She believed in dressing up well and keeping everything neat and tidy. Sometimes, her need for cleanliness would border into obsession.

My mom had a great smile. It would warm anybody's heart. A few minutes into the conversation was enough to know that she was a sweet-natured lady. She had the ability to chat for hours even with strangers. In an Indian society, it's an accomplishment in itself to get along so well with four sisters in law and two co-sisters. Although I would like to add that credit goes to my wonderful extended family too. Mom was a district-level throwball player. I did not know that fact for a very long time. When she visited our primary school, people would mistake her for a teacher. I guess it's something to do with the elegance with which she carried herself.

Mom was a strong-willed lady. More often than not, she got what she wanted. She would save up the whole year to buy something nice for the house during Diwali. I still remember how, during tough times, our old house wouldn't get sold until my mom changed her mind. We bought our new house just to fulfil her dream. I am shattered that she passed away without living in this house even for a year. I had so many dreams for my parents. I wanted them to experience the joys they had to pass up on just because they had to take care of two girls. My sister and I tried our best to give them every happiness they deserve. I tried really hard to get them into a health care routine, I didn't think twice to buy them what they wanted. Despite people advising me against it, I indulged their whims and fancies. I want to do so much more!

Mom and I have our shortcomings. I have had quite a few showdowns with her. But the void that her absence created in my heart will never be filled. I look at the pigeons on our balcony and remember her fondly gazing at them. Her only company in the new place. She would sit near the window and observe life around her. When I worked from home, she would describe them to me. Sometimes, she would tell us how much she enjoyed the Singapore trip or the joy the new house is bringing to her. I look at her bed, her favourite foods, her eternal love for news channels and I wish to pull her from my memory and have her sit next to me. I want to tell her how much I love her and what she means to me. I hope I never forget what my mother was before the illness reduced her to the shadow of the person she was.

Reading Challenge 2019

This year is mostly about pushing boundaries. I have always been more productive when I have a list in hand. So, I will be taking up a variety of challenges just to keep myself motivated. The first one is a reading challenge. I usually manage to read at least 30 books a year. This year I have set a goal of 35. I found the Pop Sugar reading challenge which covers a variety of genres. Going to give it a try! Here's my list in case you want to do this too :)

Pop Sugar Reading Challenge 2019 (20/40)

✔	Challenge Prompt	Book Title	Author	Genre
	A book becoming a movie in 2019	The Nightingale	Kristin Hannah	Historical Fiction
✓	A book that makes you nostalgic	Swami And Friends	R.K.Narayan	Kids
	A book written by a musician (fiction or nonfiction)	Moonwalk	Michael Jackson	Memoir
✓	A book you think should be turned into a movie	On The Come Up	Angie Thomas	Young Adult
	A book with at least one million ratings on Goodreads	The Great Gatsby	F. Scott Fitzgerald	Classics
✓	A book with a plant in the title or on the cover	All the Names They Used for God	Anjali Sachdeva	Fiction
	A reread of a favorite book	I've Got Your Number	Sophie Kinsella	Chick-lit
✓	A book about a hobby	The Book Ninja	Ali Berg, Michelle Kalus	Contemporary
✓	A book you meant to read in 2018	Educated	Tara Westover	Memoir
✓	A book with Pop / Sugar / Challenge in the title	In Watermelon Sugar	Richard Brautigan	Fantasy
✓	A book with an item of clothing or accessory on the cover	Poirot Investigates	Agatha Christie	Mystery
	A book inspired by Myth / Legend / Folklore	The Song of Achilles	Madeline Miller	Mythology
	A book published posthumously	The Trial	Franz Kafka	Classics
✓	A book you see someone reading on TV or in a movie	Love Story	Eric Segal	Romance
	A retelling of a classic	Great	Sara Benincasa	Retelling
	A book with a question in the title	What If?	Randall Munroe	Science/Humor
✓	A book set on college or university campus	Fangirl	Rainbow Rowell	Young Adult
	A book about someone with a superpower	Akata Witch	Nnedi Okorafor	Fantasy
✓	A book told from multiple POVs	What If It's Us?	Becky and Adam	LGBT
	A book set in space	The Loneliest Girl in the Universe	Lauren James	Sci-Fi
✓	A book by two female authors	The Lottie Project	Jacqueline Wilson, Vicky Ireland	Kids
	A book with Salt / Sweet / Bitter / Spicy in the title	Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet	Jamie Ford	Fiction
	A book set in Scandinavia	A Man Called Ove	Fredrik Backman	Fiction
	A book that takes place in a single day	A Midsummer Night's Dream	William Shakespeare	Classics
	A debut novel	The Secret History	Donna Tartt	Mystery
✓	A book that's published in 2019	I Owe You One	Sophie Kinsella	Chick-lit
✓	A book featuring an extinct or imaginary creature	A book about a mythical creature	Katie O'Neill	Graphic Novel
	A book recommended by a celebrity you admire
	A book with love in the title	Love & Gelato	Jenna Evans Welch	Romance
✓	A book featuring an amateur detective	4:50 from Paddington	Agatha Christie	Mystery
	A book about a family	The Recipe Box	Viola Shipman	Fiction
✓	A book author from Asia, Africa, or South America	Best of Laxman Vol. 4	R.K.Laxman	Cartoons
	A book with a zodiac sign or astrology term in title	The Star-Touched Queen	Roshani Chokshi	Fantasy
✓	A book that includes a wedding	The Bride Test	Helen Hoang	Contemporary
✓	A book by an author whose first and last names start with the same letter	The Little Book of Positivity	Lucy Lane	Self-help
✓	A ghost story	We Have Always Lived in the Castle	Shirley Jackson	Horror
	A book with a two-word title	Mary Poppins	P.L. Travers	Kids
✓	A novel based on a true story	The Perfect Nanny	Leila Slimani	Thriller
✓	A book revolving around a puzzle or game	The Westing Game	Ellen Raskin	Kids
	Your favorite prompt from a past Popsugar Reading challenge

2019 for Love and Laughter

Happy new year!!

We are beginning a new year and what better chance to reinvent ourselves? Over time, making these new year resolutions have become a part of me. They are like markers for my journey through the months, nudging me in the right direction whenever I feel lost. I have picked up new stuff, focused on my positives and learned to let go when I should. That's the power of words.

So, let's do the ritual one more time!

Highlights of the previous year.

1. We bought a new car. It was so out of the blue, almost an impulsive buy.
2. Singapore vacation. Finally, the five of us went on a holiday abroad. We had so much fun!
3. I got promoted!! I find it hard to believe that I have been working for 8 years now. I can't fool around anymore. I am a senior. No longer the spoilt brat of the team (actually, that part doesn't change :P)
4. Now, the big one. We bought our own house!! I thought this will never happen.

I have so much to be grateful for. I have done well financially. My family and friends have been a pillar of strength during all my tough times. I hope I never let them down. Here's what I have planned for the days ahead.

* Be more active socially
I find life so much better when I am on my own. But socializing is important too. It gets the mind out of the rut.

* Read more, craft more
This is a forever goal. I plan to create a reading and crafting challenge to keep myself motivated.

* Set up my room
I get butterflies whenever I think of this! It's going to be so exciting :D

* Shopping!!
I think I have scrimped and saved enough. This year I will value quality over price. Also, I am dying to own something from a luxury brand.

* Perfect the smokey eye look!
I can do my make up fairly well. Getting the smokey eyes right is a bit of a challenge. This should be fun :)

* Stop hoarding
Seriously!! Repeat it a million times.

* Fight negativity
Easier said than done. Often, we ourselves hold on to the hurt. If something is affecting your peace of mind, get rid of it. Few minutes of courage and days of perseverance is what it takes.

* Which country will it be this year?
How can the year be complete without a vacation abroad? :P

I have spent three decades putting the important people in my life above me. My nature is such that even love feels like a debt. I am at a point where I don't feel like that anymore. I have done as much as I can without holding back. I don't have to worry about my dear ones anymore. I will always be concerned about their well being but I am no longer responsible for their happiness.

A year of no regrets is what I look forward to the most.